Learning to Let Go

My name is Mei Jiangzhong.

I have been a father for more than twenty years, and if there is one thing I have learned, it is that fatherhood keeps changing.

When my daughter was young, I was stricter. I thought a father's responsibility was to teach discipline, set standards, and make sure a child understood right from wrong.

As she grew older, I gradually changed.

I began to understand that raising a child is not about controlling every step of her life. It is about giving her enough guidance, enough love, and enough confidence to eventually make her own decisions.

In that sense, being a parent is also learning how to let go.

What Children Learn From Us

I was influenced strongly by my own parents.

My father was loving, but he was also strict. He paid close attention to my education and stayed in communication with my teachers. There was a clear sense of accountability.

That stayed with me.

But as I became a father myself, I also came to believe that what children learn from us does not come mainly from lectures.

Actions speak louder than words.

You can tell a child to work hard, but if she never sees you work hard, your words mean very little. You can ask her to be responsible, but you must first show her what responsibility looks like.

Parents are always teaching, whether they realize it or not.

Parenting Is a Partnership

I also know very clearly that I did not raise my daughter alone.

My wife played an enormous role, particularly during our daughter's early years. She devoted tremendous energy to her physical development, health, education, and emotional well-being.

We tried to work as a team.

When our daughter was young, there were practical issues—nutrition, growth, school, activities. We introduced her to sports and music, but we also learned that parents cannot create interest simply because they want a child to have it.

Advice Is Different From Control

Education was always important in our family, but I never believed that parents should determine every aspect of a child's future.

Children are different.

Some know very early what they want to do and are determined to pursue it. Some change their minds repeatedly. Others have no clear direction for a long time.

Parents need to understand which kind of child they are dealing with.

When my daughter faced major decisions, including possible career directions, our role was not to simply say, “You must do this.”

At one point, there were possibilities related to entertainment. We did not reject the idea simply because it was unconventional. We discussed it seriously and helped her think through whether it matched her interests and abilities.

Loving a Child Means Trusting Her

As children become adults, parents face decisions that are even more difficult to influence.

These are areas where parents may have strong opinions, but there are limits to what we can control.

We tried to keep communication open with our daughter. She knew we would give advice honestly, but she also knew that we would support her.

Parents continue to see the child they raised. The child sees herself as an independent adult.

The Pride—and Loss—of Watching a Child Grow

One of the proudest moments of my life was seeing my daughter graduate from Harvard Business School.

As a parent, moments like that are deeply emotional.

You remember the child who once depended on you for everything, and suddenly she is standing there as an accomplished adult, building a life of her own.

The goal of parenting is independence, yet when independence finally arrives, parents sometimes feel that something has disappeared.

If your child can stand on her own, make decisions, support herself, and take responsibility for her life, then you have reason to be grateful.

Retirement Is Another Kind of Letting Go

For decades, your career gives structure to your life. You have responsibilities, meetings, colleagues, and goals. People need you.

But I believe we have to prepare ourselves for different stages of life. The goals that make sense at forty are not necessarily the same goals that make sense at seventy.

You can develop interests you neglected during your working years. You can spend more time with your spouse. You can take better care of your health. You can enjoy a slower rhythm without believing that slowing down means becoming useless.

Adjustment is part of living.

The Roads We Choose

There were other paths I might have taken. Some colleagues remained in different systems and developed careers very different from mine.

Life never allows us to live every possible version of ourselves. We make a decision, walk down one road, and accept that the other roads remain unknown.

My work gave me an international perspective and opportunities to contribute in ways that were meaningful to me. I was also involved in training emerging Chinese leaders and sharing international experience.

That work reinforced something I had always valued: learning.

No matter what stage of life we are in, we should remain willing to learn from other people and other cultures.

Living Simply

Professional success did not change one of the values I carried from childhood: moderation.

I have seen societies change rapidly when people become wealthier. Sometimes people need time to learn how to use prosperity well.

What My Father Gave Me

When I think about Father's Day now, I think not only about my daughter but also about my own father.

His seriousness about education influenced the way I raised my daughter. His sense of responsibility influenced the way I approached my own family. Even the things I chose to do differently were shaped by what I learned from him.

Perhaps one day she will look back and decide which parts of our parenting she wants to carry forward and which parts she wants to change.

That is her right.